A Personal Look at Eugene Wanderer.

Posted: November 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It begins as a small itch in the back of your head. Just a tiny little thing actually. A slight afterthought in the back of your mind. A sense that something is not right, not well, but it is only small so you ignore it, you chalk it up to personal depression or any of the multitudes of other things it could be. However, as time goes on you tend to occasionally scratch this itch, and like all itches, the more you scratch the worse it actually becomes afterwards. The contact of the scratching spreads it, for it is very contagious. As time goes on it gets worse, now it is no longer an “itch” it had grown into a full fledged ailment. It begins to get in and to eat at our heart and psyche.digging deeper and deeper, tearing at thee very stuff your made of. Like any illness it begins to wear you down and to weaken your resolve. You feel it coming on but know nothing that will help it, nothing that will help the avalanche of depression, hopelessness and seemingly inevitable loss of self that is bearing down on you. As it rolls towards you it grows to immense size, it becomes something unable to be dealt with and when it finally crashes down on you your are at a loss for how to survive in the aftermath, so you simply give in and quite fighting. You condemn yourself to a life in a very cold, very isolated manner.

This “itch” typically begins around the fourth week an individual has been homeless. This is known as the “4 Week Rule”. This is “The Crisis Center cites the four-week rule, which states that a person becomes accustomed to the homeless lifestyle and acclimated to the culture after spending four weeks on the streets.”  (                                     http://www.ehow.com/about_4618530_primary-causes-homelessness.html ). This is thee point when an individual begins to give up hope of ever getting into a better place, the time in which it begins to become exponentially more difficult to assist someone who is on the streets in getting off of them.  At this point the individual begins to become adapted to his or her environment and getting in a better place seems to lose some of its importance. They become comfortable about their situation and, well, change is hard, even when it is from a bad situation to a better one. Just ask any woman who has been in an abusive relationship and could not leave.

as a nation 1% of our population is homeless according to the statistics. Now for the bad part, these stats are highly underestimated.  The statistics do not take into consideration those ho are homeless but are “couch surfing” at friends and families places, or those who do not use the services available to them. Nor does it count those in temp housing situations. This number could easily be about 1.2-1.3% of our population. Add to this the trend of no jobs and low wages in our country and this adds to those numbers. Of these many want off of the streets and into better situations, but there are a lot who have fallen into the indifferent mindset brought on by just the thing i was describing above. They have been in this situation long enough that they have lost the ability to hope for better, to strive for better, to act in a manner that pushes towards a better situation. They have come to the realization that this is all there is and they need to get used to it, regardless how irrational that line of belief is. They have been shown no different and thus have this conditioned belief system that does not allow them to think any different.

These are the ones who we most need to take action towards helping. those who have been brainwashed by society and their own experience in to believing there is nothing better. Those who have fallen into the chronic depression, despair and inevitable sense of hopelessness. These are who we need to show there is a better way too live, a better life, one that they can achieve if they keep fighting. We need to instill hope in them, a sense that they can achieve if they work at it and with a little help

Homelessness has a way to eat at your mind, heart and very soul. The humiliation of living on the streets, being at the mercy of the charity of others, not knowing where you will sleep or eat the next day. It all works to undermine your very self. It weakens you, it tears you down and eventually breaks you. those who say it doesn’t? Well, look at their life if they are on the streets, look at what if any effort they put into getting out of thee situation in a responsible manner. Look to see if they are one of the many who lives ff the system without giving or trying t give in return. For those who have never been homeless who claim this, here is my challenge to you. Come spend two weeks out here with me. You get only what i say you can have and you do the homeless routine for two weeks. This is not enough to break you, but come see what we go through on a daily basis, come live our lives for two weeks and see if it does not open your eyes a bit.

I have been homeless off and on for 7 years. i get myself off the streets only to lose it a few months later. As stated in earlier posts i suffer form several disabilities, one of which is sever PTSD. I have always fought hard not to fall into this category, not to give up hope of making it off the streets and of making something of myself. I have never been good at giving up and i have tried to apply this mentality to everything i do as a homeless person, but if i am totally honest with myself i can not deny that there have been moments lately where i have begun to doubt myself.  I have been feeling the weight of it all a lot lately and questioning my ability to get into the place i know i am capable if being. I find myself thinking a lot about what i will do in the years t come as a homeless person, not what i will be doing when i find work and get an apartment. I find myself falling into the mindset of “meh, doesn’t really matter”. I feel my motivation to drive myself and to make an effort slowlty slipping away and this bothers me to no end. I understand what is happening and i fight against it with all i have, but i also and honest enough to know i am losing the battle and may have lost completely by this time next year. this scares me, it makes me sad and it depresses me. This is what i have fought against for so long now, and i feel it slipping away from me. This makes the fight seem hopeless really, but i still fight it. Who knows, perhaps i will get something going before ii completely give in, but it gets harder to believe each and every day that goes on.

Homelessness sucks folks, those who say they like it out on the streets are as mentally ill as anyone, they have no sense of reality and need counseling as badly as i do.  This is not a dream life by any standards. I wrote this post just to open some eyes about how it is out here for many. I hope thiis did the trick.



  1. Majeska says:

    Damn, Eugene Wanderer, this leaves me without words. You did the trick. I’m going to share this with others.

  2. Thank you Majeska, every new person that sees the posts are one more who may at spme point decide to try and d something about it and to help the situation of another human being at some point.

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