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I set thinking that this may very well be a waste of time as i ride to my latest Voc Rehab meeting today at 1:00. job searching has become a four letter word in my mind as it has been nothing but a reaffirmation of negativity in my mind for the last several years. It ranks up there with the list of four letter words really, shit, fuck, work, it all sounds the same to me after years of trying to get on my feet and failing to do so.  the very thought of getting back int the job search routine now that the red tape of voc Rehab is complete instills a feeling of depression and anxiety in me, but it is as i am thinking of this another thought dawns on me.  A thought that drags me screaming into a long painful path of pensive thought and dark reminiscing.

On February 5th i will be living through my 27th year anniversary of being in the judicial system. This brought to thee forefront of my thinking memories of many many bad times in my life and of even more bad things committed in the name of hate, anger and bitterness. A quagmire of negativity that brought about a lot of pain, suffering and hurt to myself and more importantly people who were innocent of everything other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Of these 27 years i have spent 21 of them incarcerated, starting when i was 13 years old.  I think back on the person i was then and the things i have done and i feel nothing but regret, sorrow, guilt over thing acts i have committed and the people i have hurt in my life. I look back on the swirl of anger,hatred and bitterness that even at a young age i had allowed to turn me into what can only be defined as a monster. I think back on how i could have done better at managing my own hurt and feelings of helplessness, how i could have redirected that mess into more productive uses, but when your 13 years old what do you know? As these thoughts linger in my head i find myself adrift in a sea of darkness and chaos that was my past, a storm of rage that hurt everything in its way and ripped itself to pieces in the process. I relive what it felt like to be a young kid who was lost in a life he did not choose, that felt helpless, hopeless. The small kid who turned to rage and violence to cope in a life he felt he was always at war with. I remember how out of control i was and how lost to the world i was for most of my younger life.

However, this is not all i think of, for i also have the last 10 years to think about. The struggle, pain and remorse that comes from honest change, from realizing that you are screwed up and you do not like it.  Change is the most terrifying thing in the world and i fought every step of the way. I delve into the memories of how hard i have fought, how i have faced fears, pain and frustration in my quest to become something better, to evolve into a decent human being.  for many years now i have put a huge part of my energy into being the type of person i want to be and not the person I allowed life to make me. I have over 15 years of counseling, both group and individual, that i have applied to begin me, and not the little beast i was at one time. I have worked to banish thee old angry me to the depths of history and to unlock a better, much improved me.  I realize that i have come form being an incorrigible youth that many including myself at one time considered beyond redeem ability to become a responsible, worthwhile adult who has done a lot to be a good person. I see that i have evolved into something decent.

After thinking about all of this i finally come to the conclusion that the 5th of February should not be a day to regret and despair over who i was, but instead, it is a day i should celebrate for all of my growth and self empowerment, for my evolution. I should celebrate who i am now, not who i was so long ago.

Change is a journey that requires much devotion to self, pain, frustration and hurt, but when it is all said and done, the end result is something beautiful.  Something that can not have a price placed apron it. Most of all, it is an admirable feat that will show the true person behind the mask.

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It begins as a small itch in the back of your head. Just a tiny little thing actually. A slight afterthought in the back of your mind. A sense that something is not right, not well, but it is only small so you ignore it, you chalk it up to personal depression or any of the multitudes of other things it could be. However, as time goes on you tend to occasionally scratch this itch, and like all itches, the more you scratch the worse it actually becomes afterwards. The contact of the scratching spreads it, for it is very contagious. As time goes on it gets worse, now it is no longer an “itch” it had grown into a full fledged ailment. It begins to get in and to eat at our heart and psyche.digging deeper and deeper, tearing at thee very stuff your made of. Like any illness it begins to wear you down and to weaken your resolve. You feel it coming on but know nothing that will help it, nothing that will help the avalanche of depression, hopelessness and seemingly inevitable loss of self that is bearing down on you. As it rolls towards you it grows to immense size, it becomes something unable to be dealt with and when it finally crashes down on you your are at a loss for how to survive in the aftermath, so you simply give in and quite fighting. You condemn yourself to a life in a very cold, very isolated manner.

This “itch” typically begins around the fourth week an individual has been homeless. This is known as the “4 Week Rule”. This is “The Crisis Center cites the four-week rule, which states that a person becomes accustomed to the homeless lifestyle and acclimated to the culture after spending four weeks on the streets.”  (                                     http://www.ehow.com/about_4618530_primary-causes-homelessness.html ). This is thee point when an individual begins to give up hope of ever getting into a better place, the time in which it begins to become exponentially more difficult to assist someone who is on the streets in getting off of them.  At this point the individual begins to become adapted to his or her environment and getting in a better place seems to lose some of its importance. They become comfortable about their situation and, well, change is hard, even when it is from a bad situation to a better one. Just ask any woman who has been in an abusive relationship and could not leave.

as a nation 1% of our population is homeless according to the statistics. Now for the bad part, these stats are highly underestimated.  The statistics do not take into consideration those ho are homeless but are “couch surfing” at friends and families places, or those who do not use the services available to them. Nor does it count those in temp housing situations. This number could easily be about 1.2-1.3% of our population. Add to this the trend of no jobs and low wages in our country and this adds to those numbers. Of these many want off of the streets and into better situations, but there are a lot who have fallen into the indifferent mindset brought on by just the thing i was describing above. They have been in this situation long enough that they have lost the ability to hope for better, to strive for better, to act in a manner that pushes towards a better situation. They have come to the realization that this is all there is and they need to get used to it, regardless how irrational that line of belief is. They have been shown no different and thus have this conditioned belief system that does not allow them to think any different.

These are the ones who we most need to take action towards helping. those who have been brainwashed by society and their own experience in to believing there is nothing better. Those who have fallen into the chronic depression, despair and inevitable sense of hopelessness. These are who we need to show there is a better way too live, a better life, one that they can achieve if they keep fighting. We need to instill hope in them, a sense that they can achieve if they work at it and with a little help

Homelessness has a way to eat at your mind, heart and very soul. The humiliation of living on the streets, being at the mercy of the charity of others, not knowing where you will sleep or eat the next day. It all works to undermine your very self. It weakens you, it tears you down and eventually breaks you. those who say it doesn’t? Well, look at their life if they are on the streets, look at what if any effort they put into getting out of thee situation in a responsible manner. Look to see if they are one of the many who lives ff the system without giving or trying t give in return. For those who have never been homeless who claim this, here is my challenge to you. Come spend two weeks out here with me. You get only what i say you can have and you do the homeless routine for two weeks. This is not enough to break you, but come see what we go through on a daily basis, come live our lives for two weeks and see if it does not open your eyes a bit.

I have been homeless off and on for 7 years. i get myself off the streets only to lose it a few months later. As stated in earlier posts i suffer form several disabilities, one of which is sever PTSD. I have always fought hard not to fall into this category, not to give up hope of making it off the streets and of making something of myself. I have never been good at giving up and i have tried to apply this mentality to everything i do as a homeless person, but if i am totally honest with myself i can not deny that there have been moments lately where i have begun to doubt myself.  I have been feeling the weight of it all a lot lately and questioning my ability to get into the place i know i am capable if being. I find myself thinking a lot about what i will do in the years t come as a homeless person, not what i will be doing when i find work and get an apartment. I find myself falling into the mindset of “meh, doesn’t really matter”. I feel my motivation to drive myself and to make an effort slowlty slipping away and this bothers me to no end. I understand what is happening and i fight against it with all i have, but i also and honest enough to know i am losing the battle and may have lost completely by this time next year. this scares me, it makes me sad and it depresses me. This is what i have fought against for so long now, and i feel it slipping away from me. This makes the fight seem hopeless really, but i still fight it. Who knows, perhaps i will get something going before ii completely give in, but it gets harder to believe each and every day that goes on.

Homelessness sucks folks, those who say they like it out on the streets are as mentally ill as anyone, they have no sense of reality and need counseling as badly as i do.  This is not a dream life by any standards. I wrote this post just to open some eyes about how it is out here for many. I hope thiis did the trick.

Respect,

EW

I constantly get asked if the dog i use for my profile is mine. The answer is no.  Cupid was the dog of one of my best friends neighbors a few years back.  He was a very lovable and highly affectionate animal who loved everyone he came into contact with and whom was loved by those same people in return. A Blue Healer, Cupid had a wonderful level of energy for everything from getting cuddled to playing his favorite game of “Hike” with his old blanket. Cupid was one of the lucky ones.

According to eHow contributor Morgan Crouch ” Around the country, over 15 million pets are delivered into the hands of animal shelters each year. Of these 15 million, roughly 25 to 30 percent are adopted or reclaimed by owners or put into new homes. The remainder of these pets, some 11 million, must be put to death because no one can find them a home. An unknown number of animals are lost or abandoned and never return to their home”

15 million sent to shelters and 11 of those killed for lack of homes. What more can be said about this? Please folks, spay and neuter your pets. the issue of homeless animals is one that deserves the attention we give to our homeless humans, perhaps better attention seeing as how poorly our own are treated. The unfairness of bringing kittens or puppies into an existence we can not deal with, we can not handle is heart breaking, as are these numbers. So, just a short one this time, but an important one .
Respect, EW

 

Hello folks and once again  i feel the need to post a word to the homeless. This time however my words will be as they relate to the Occupy camp and movement. After my first night int he camp i noticed a few things that we, the homeless, could work on to make things better and to show a better side of ourselves. Here are a couple of those.

1.Drugs and Alcohol: Please guys, if your going to use do it elsewhere. Here is the problem,  you leave your beer bottles laying around for one, all over the place. i woke up with three of them  the area i slept in. The more this happens, the more there are signs of public intoxication, the better out chances of having he police at the park and ticketing people. It will draw heat down on those who are trying to push this movement forward. The pot is the same, please, elsewhere. all it takes is for one cop to smell it and then he has reasons to disrupt the protest. The more this type of behavior goes on the more we risk getting those who are for the moment leaving us alone to start the typical EPD treatment of the homeless and those they are involved with. We do not need this. The movement has enough nay sayers as it is. lets not add to the negativity please.

2. Loud/Rowdy Behavior: The non event yelling, cursing and whatnot is uncalled for and yet one more way the police can justify coming into our camp and harassing people who are involved in the protest. Another way to “blow up” the spot. we need to use our heads here and we need to try our best to remain respectful of those around us and those who may be spectators to the event. The movement will be defined by the actions of those involved. If you act in a obnoxious way this is how we will all be remembered. If we conduct ourselves in a respectful and intelligent manner that is how this will all be remembered. So lets keep that in mind and try to act accordingly.

3.Bullying and Violent Behavior: Ok, there will always be bad seeds in these types of groups. Nothing is perfect including events like the one we are partaking in here. There has been at least one situation of bullying i personally know of, considering i was the target of it, but from the sounds of it there has been others by the same individuals. This needs to stop and it needs to stop now! Pull your heads out and think about it, This is not about YOU, his is not about ME, this is not about any single person in this group.  This protest is not about who you like or dislike, it is not a place for personal vendetta, it is not supposed to be about the negative and/or divisiveness. we are here to try to change a system that victimizes you as well as every other person making less than $60,000 a year. we are here to make a statement against the very corruption that keeps each and every one of us down, keeps us in this constant state of disadvantage. we are here to matter!! So drop the insignificant bullshit, stop the petty school yard crap and act as if you give a damn about yourself and your future, because if you don’t your in the wrong place. To the point and put simply, we would love to have you here to support what we are doing here, but if you can not let the stupid shit go get out. we do not need it. we are under a microscope here. every little thing we do is under scrutiny, we screw up, or if even one or two do, we could lose everything here and have the cops down on us. If the media sees the crap they could do a very good job of discrediting the entire movement and everything it stands for. So please, respect those around you, even if you do not get along with them or like them, but most of all, respect yourself. show dignity in how you behave.

I have no idea how many times i have to repeat this, but as homeless, if we want society to see us as equals, to treat us with dignity and respect, then we must behave in a manner that leaves them no choice but to do so.  Hold your damn heads up, act with pride in yourself regardless your situation, and show society that your lack of a home means nothing in the scheme of things. until we learn to do his we will never be anything but “lazy bums” and “dirty scumbags” to a portion of society. We control how others see us, we dictate how we are treated, and we do this by acting accordingly. we are homeless not animals, not trash to be taken out, we are human beings with value. that is what this is all about. Human beings finally being treated as though they have value by he big guys and corrupt politicians this country breeds like cockroaches. We can make this happen, we can find our value in a society that allows us none, but hey, if you can not believe it in yourself how will you ever make society believe it. The ball is in your court and only you have the power to do something with it.

Find your pride, find your self respect and please, act with respect while your at thee protesters camp. Show them you have value, as several of us are beginning to do.

as always, with respect,

EW

PS. I am writing this from the camp and the mood here is good tonight. no drama and plenty of decent people working together to initiate change. respect to all of you.

So, those of you who read this thing on a regular basis know of my situation with the library here in town (A word to the Hatemongers…….). For those of you who do not, quick run down. I am a heavy user of the library. It is one of thee only places that are typically ok with the homeless using their services and i get both electricity without the threat of jail and i get a fairly reliable internet connection. I am a supporter of our library. However, about 6 weeks ago i obtained my two kittens and at that point i was no longer welcomed in the public library so long as my kids were with me. Ok, fine, nothing new really, many places have prohibitions against non service animals being in the. so, as a result i began to set outside of the library and plug in just inside the door. this way the kids are free to come out and stretch and i get my power/net. Keep in mind, security from the library was perfectly fine with this as they know me well and know i am no problem, and in fact i help them out when ever i can in looking for people and keeping the place clean and whatnot. I am a respectful person and i act accordingly.Well, a week or two later the situation i talked about in the post titled “A Word to The Hate-mongers and Bigots we Call Republicans” occurred.

After i posted that topic i received some replies through my email and facebook pages that were not happy with the situation, those folks should be interested in this also.

I sometimes go to the LTD station ans set at th planter at the north/west corner of the place. Directly across from the Library. I go there to let the kittens out to play a bit, eat something, meet new people (which the kittens are wonderful at facilitating) and to simply relax a bit. I keep my things orderly and out of the way as well as remain respectful to those walking by and who work at LTD. I am completely away from all doors and otther areas in which business takes place. There is no hindrance to their operations in my location. However, this morning, while awaiting for me to return from a short task, my friend and camping buddy was asked if he was awaiting a bus. When my friend told the wackenhut/G4S security guard he was waiting for me to return he was told that  we could not set there unless we were waiting for a bus. Now, please any of you who know me personally vouch for this if you would, but i am homeless yes, however, I am clean, educated, respectful and i do my best to get others to behave in the same manner i do as far as this goes.  The people I meet never assume i am homeless as i do not project as such and work hard to assure this. The only telling sign of this is the large pack i carry with me at times, other than that i pass for one of the housed masses. On top of his, every month i buy a monthly pass for the bus, i am a long standing customer of this company.  Have been for a long time. I use LTD for all of my transportation needs and have paid a lot of money into this company now. Take a walk at some point to the LTD station and watch who iyt is who are bothered by Wackenhut about loitering on the property. notice how those who are told they can not set there unless in line for a bus are all under 18’s and those of us with backpacks and gear.  The young and the homeless are the people who are told they are loitering and can not do so.

as someone who has spent as much money with this company as i have i think if i want to set at their planter that should be my right. Of course, perhaps there are those who disagree. Obviously there are.   It is sad to think that LTD will harass their own loyal customers if they do not fit the mold of who is socially acceptable. there is also the fact that they have a monopoly on the mass transit industry here in Eugene so you play by their rules or you can walk.

Another new occurrence i have noticed is this. The number 41 and 43 lines are two of the busiest on LTD’s roster of routes. they are the ones who cater to several schools and a couple of shopping centers   These routes are often packed with commuters and their carry on’s. One other particular thing about these routes is this, they serve the Eugene Service station. This is one of the main place for services aimed at the homeles. They are a great place that not only allows their clients the showers and hygiene they require, but they feed them lunch and breakfast, issue vouchers for cloths and sleeping bags. In other words this is a huge route for those of us who are homeless. recently i have noticed an odd development for such a busy line however. One, the use of more and more of the shorter buses on this route, or so it seems, and the use of buses without luggage racks in the front. The very racks thee homeless often use to keep their packs out of everyones way. The other day i was on my way to the service station but had to get off the bus early, kitten needed to use the bathroom of all things. I attempted several times to catch a later bus but was unable to do so for lack of space and rack. I will not get on the bus if my gear will be a hassle for other riders. I will wait for the next bus. It is a matte of principle for me really. A show of the kind of respect i want as a fellow human being, though not necessarily on this issue. After several attempts i gave up ands went over to set for awhile. After a couple of hours i again attempted the ride and found the same results, older buses with mo rack and what appears to be smaller capacity. In frustration i gave up and walked.

Ok, bus routes get busy, there is no stopping that, and the choice to not board was mine and mine alone, but i do have one thing that is bothering me on this issue. As stated above, i purchase a bus pass every month and use it a lot. I am a long time paying customer of LTD, for them to tell me their property is iff limits for anything not illegal is wrong. Seriously folks, if one of their paying customers who is clean and non disruptive can not use their facilities unless directly involved in waiting for a bus then what is the point. I am sure there wwill be those who disagree with me over this, but…………..

I am not saying LTD older non rack buses out of any intentional need to hinder out travel, not at all. they are a busy company and perhaps does not even realize they have scheduled the wrong type of buses for he route really. I am just saying, if your paying customers are not creating issues then leave them be. Meh, who knows. Just a point of view really.

BARRIERS FOR THE MOTIVATED

Among the homeless and contrary to popular belief, most of us have no interest in being where we are and put forth effort to find work and to better our situations. I, for example, am currently involved in the Vocational Rehab program offered by the local DHS. Popular belief among those who have homes and jobs is tthat we have no interest in getting a job, we are lazy bums who like living on the streets and having no responsibilities. When we tell people we are looking for work they typically respond with something along the lines of ‘Well, I found work, why can’t you’. Or, ‘People get jobs every day so if you really wanted one you would have one’. This is regardless of the fact that many people who are not among the homeless are also having difficulties finding work and osme have been looking for more than a year to no avail. Yes, I agree, some people find work very easily, but others, not so much so. Why this is so is anyones guess, but here are some of the things I see as being barriers for those of us who actually want to work, look forward to someday having bills to pay and the means to pay them.

  1. LACK OF CORPORATE PRESENCE: Yes, im sure I just heard some in the Occupy Eugene crowd scream and begin foaming at the mouth. Yes, you heard me right, there simply is not enough corporations in the Lane County area. Regardless what you think of the corporations, regardless of the fact that many of them act like inconsiderate jackass’, the fac remains that corporations are the ones who do the hiring on a large scale basis. They are the ones who create jobs, unless, like me, you often do call center work, then they send your jobs oversees to save a few bucks using foreign associates. They are the ones who, coming into an area hire 100’s of new workers, they create the economy often times in the areas they establish themselves in. Yes, I agree, not all of them are responsible, not all of them are good to their workers (looking at you Wal-Mart), but they do make jobs available. Like them or not, corporations are needed for job creation. Which leads me to point number two,

  2. MOM AND POP’S ESTABLISHMENTS: Ok, I know, the american dream and all, but lets face it, family owned and mom and pop’s business’ hire one or two people and often times only from within the family unit. This does nothing to alleviate the pain of the current job market. These business are great for the family, but terrible for the overall job market. Now, do not get me wrong, there are exceptions to this of course, but all in all this is the typical rule. Best of wishes for those who own tthese business, but they will not create jobs, and Eugene is swamped with these types of business’.

  3. DISCRIMINATORY HIRING PRACTICES: Business’ in Eugene have been and are sstill allowed to make hiring decisions on everything other than the persons actual ability to do the work. It may surrise you to know just how many of the local business will check everything down to your credit score to determine employment eligibility. Spome will evewn deny employment based on criminal history reaching as far back as 20+ years ago. Think I am full of it? It has happened to me. Three years ago I was turned down for employment at Enterprise’s local call center due to a 20 year old felony. 20 years in the past but it held significance to my eligibility for work. Carnival Cruise lines is just as bad, as is the majority of the employment agencies in this town. Bad credit score, you may not be stable, criminal record form 20 years ago, you may rape rob or pillage form them, not thee right religion, race political party,……. well, you get the point.

  4. EMPLOYMENT AGENCIES: Yes, these things save the local business maony by taking their human resource departments to people who they do not have to pay minimum wage to, or allow benefits, but all in all, they are crap for those of us trying to find work. These are a big part of the discriminatory hiring practices as the will use whatever means they can to find reasons why you do not qualify for the position you are applying for. Again, do not get me wrong, I do not think they set down and form the get go say, ‘ok, screw theese guys, lets see how many we can deny jobs’. I am not that paranoid. However, from experience, these agencies deny many more people than they should the opportunity to work with the agency. A huge portion of the many will not work with felons, of even more will not work with persons to person crimes, regardless how long ago these crimes may be. This is just one of thee reasons they may disapprove your efforts to get a certain job. Some agencies, Cardinal Services being the one I am thinking of, will work with you if you have a person to person crime that is 10 years or more old. Not perfect, but at least they make thee effort for those who have shown the effort to change. This is better than many of the places in town.

  5. HOMELESSNESS: Yes you heard me right, the very fact that you are homeless is enough to deter some employers form hiring you. Though I have never been given a reason why this applies, my best guess would be this. For those of us who are homeless finding a phone or address to receive calls and mail concerning the positions can be difficult if you do not know where to go for thesis services. This can be a major deterrent for employers looking to hire someone who needs to be reliable on the job site. Also, due to the common biases concerning the homeless they may also see the homeless as unreliable and unstable. These would be my best guess as to why this seems to matter to some employers.

These 5 things combines makes for a very difficult time when it comes to finding work for those of us who are homeless but want to actually work. The sad fact is that many of those who are in this situation often put massive effort into the seeking of employment for a good amount of time, but at some pint we beign to give up. We feel as though nothing we do is going to see us working so why put the stress and effort into finding the job we can never have. Many of those who once looked for work have given up and are now resigned to living on the streets and being in our situations. Me, nope, i’m trying still, but I have went through periods where I have given up on the entire spectacle. The longer you look without result the easier it becomes to find reasons to quit, to surrender, to give in. It sucks, but it is the cold truth of our economic situation in this country and especially in Eugene, which has really never been that great for jobs to begin with.

So, how do we fix these issues? Here are a couple of ideas

1.EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYERS, MAKE IT REAL: In order for a company to call itself an equal opportunity employer all they really have to do is hire women, the disabled and minorities in a fairly fair manner. Let’s see a new rule that demands that in order to call yourself this you must also be willing to hire those who have criminal conviction ( so long as the job is not in conflict with rehabilitation goals) and those who are disadvantaged due to being homeless. Allow these people the chance to probe themselves in the work place and to show rthey deserve the jobs that are available to others. Lay down your bigotries and open yourself to the opportunity tthat maybe, just maybe, some f these people may be the perfect fit for your business.

2.DO AWAY WITH GEORGE BUSH ONCE AND FOR ALL: Repeal every last thing he did while in office to make it profitable for companies to send our jobs oversees. I do non sales call center work for the most part. Customer service, market research and such, take it from me, that industry has been hit so hard it is not funny. All because it is ok for these AMERICAN (!!!) companies to move their customer service and marketing call centers oversees They can get a call center worker in India for far less than thee minimum wage required here in thee states. These companies are saving an incredible amount of money each year by selling out their own countries workers for the cheaper alternatives. It is absolutely ridiculous! Matter of fact, lets do more than that. Let’s enact the cut to payroll taxes that President Obama wants to enact and then add a tax for US companies who have operations oversee’s that service the US. Call centers, tax’em. Manufacturing, tax’em. Give them incentive to keep their jobs in the states. Make these damn business show respect for the people of their own country before selling out to the lowest bidder oversees!! Cut thee bullshit and get serious about our homes people and our damn economy. This means out current President as well. Quit acting like children and serve the people you were elected to SERVE!! End the hypocrisy and empty promises and do something for once in your pathetic political lives!

3.FUND START-UPS AND INNOVATION AT THE LOWEST LEVELS: Ok, granrts for school are fine, but what use is schooling if there are no jobs to apply it to? It is a waste of time and money, in which you will pay a good amount of it back anyway, to send people to school when you can not offer them a chane to use the education. Let’s take these grants and give them to people who will create jobs. Allow those who may have a difficul time finding the money otherwise the chance to bring their ideas to the forefront. If we can allow enough people to get into the market via their own ventures there will be those that work out (most first time start ups fail), tthose success will crate jobs, perhaps smaller numbers at first, but given time these could bloom into companies and business that actually make a difference in the jobs market. Instead, all we get is a country full of educated uneployed and homeless citizens. Where is the sense in that? We give people the chance to go back to school on the governments buck, at first. However, only a small part of that money is free. Most of it you will be expected to pay back to the government. Then because there are no jobs available to you to actually make the payments on thisa debt, the interest begins to build and eventually the once manageable debt has become another factor keeping you in poverty. Yes, I owe money on student loans, not much at thee moment, but no job, no payments, the build up has begun. Incidentally, I was a business major when schooling so the idea of the grants being used to spur business start ups is fairly close to my heart. It dos no good to give people school money without giving them a means of paying that off, nor does it do any good to give money to the large corps who have already hired those they are going to hire. This is wasted money on both counts when considering job creation and economic stability.

So there you have it, my opinions on the matter. Some of you will most likely disagree with some (a lot) of it, some may agree but as I said these are my opinions. Feel free to disagree with me aqnd leave comments on your own opinions concerning the issue at hand.

Once again, respectfully,

EW

As I set here on Tuesday the 4th I get to thinking about what tomorrow has to offer me. Tomorrow at 9am I am going to jail for 5 days. Why is this? Three weeks ago I was given 4 days of road crew from my current Parole Officer, a guy i like for the most part.  Thus road crew was given to me for drinking a few beers while on supervision and therefor violating the general rules of supervision.  Ok fine, i am OK with being held accountable for my actions.  However, this only kicks off a much bigger issue really. I had a residence  set up to go live for a bit to try to get myself back on my feet faster but it fell through, thus, once I am out of jail my Parole officer will most likely order me to the Eugene Mission. For those of you who have read my post on that place you know my views on it. So, the choice will be between going to the mission or going back to jail for refusing to stay there. Well, i have many times in the past chose to go to jail over the mission, and i will do so again. The mission is intolerable and i will not torcher  myself by living there even one day. Unfortunately this may mean i end up doing 3 years in and out of jail instead of the 16 months i have remaining on normal supervision. I am ok with this. The jail is far less damaging and aggravating to my mental health issues than is the mission in all honesty. It is sad that the mission allows parole and probation to order their clients to live their and to remain there. It would be my guess that the mission may receive funding from the department of corrections as does Sponsors, though i can not say for sure, but the two agencies do work closely.  It would be interesting to see the financial for the mission that included the donor list.

So, think this is an odd choice for me? Choosing incarceration over “freedom”? Go stay at the mission for an extended time and then rethink it.

So, my friends, i will make sure i say hello in between my stays in jail and will try to post in between times as well.  Respect and best wishes,

 

Eugene.